Star Trek: TOS Season 2 Overview

Hey, time to continue my nerd study in nerddom by me, a nerd.

I know most of you probably don't know the original series very well, but it's pretty much the best show ever made. So hopefully by listening to my rundowns you'll go and netflix them or buy the dvds. You could just buy me the dvds and watch them at my place, if you'd like. I already have season 2, though, so maybe you can borrow these.

Season 2 is considered by most people to be the best season of the original trek. It has a lot of classic episodes, and it doesn't have so many barf-inducing episodes as season 1 or 3. Also, Kirk kills more computers.

Top Three Episodes:

Amok Time - Spock gets really horny, as Vulcans do once every seven years. So he has to tap some Vulcan tail back home, but then ends up fighting Kirk to the death. He wins, killing Kirk, and ending Star Trek forever.

A Private Little War - This one is cool because it's a total downer of an ending. Made in the late 60s, which may or may not be relevent, the Enterprise comes across a primitive planet engaged in a tribal war. The Klingons have been providing the side they want to win with weapons, and in the end Kirk decides the Federation must provide the other side with weapons. It ends with Kirk really pissed off ordering the weapons to be sent to the planet, then they leave. No social relevance whatsoever to the late 1960s and cold war conflicts raging all over the third world.

A Piece of the Action - The Enterprise lands on a gangster planet. Basically, another starship crashed a hundred years earlier on this primitive planet, but the only book that survived the crash was one about Chicago gangsters. So the populace decided that's the way to be advanced, is to act like Al Capone. Then, two episodes later, they land on a Nazi planet for some reason. See? Totally weird and fucked up. That's why TOS is so great.


Bottom Three Episodes:

The Gamesters of Triskelion - Three glowing brains in a glass jar like to bet, so they pit people against each other in combat. Kirk teaches some alien broad about love, spends the whole episode with no shirt. Thumbs down.

Return to Tomorrow - Big fancy shmancy advanced aliens borrow Kirk, Spock, and previously unseen crewmembers bodies. Boring.

Assignment: Earth! - A suave, handsome galactic spy and his superintelligent cat go back to 1960s earth to engage in some really boring stuff. I never authorized use of my personal likeness for this episode, by the way.


Other Highlights of the Season:
- Kirk saves day by destroying supercomputer on five occasions
- Enterprise defeats big ice cream cone that eats planets
- Tribbles
- Halloween world, Greek world, Gangster world, Roman world, Nazi world, giant space amoeba
- Hyperintelligent robot calls Uhura, a woman, a "mass of conflicting impulses."
- Enterprise encounters completely alien planet that has somehow independently developed United States Constitution word for word. Yeah, totally believable.

Ahh, only one more season of TOS for me to review! I know you guys can't wait.

Star Trek: TOS Season 1 Overview

Ok, everybody, so I've been watching a lot of Trek lately, and I've decided to share some of the high points and low points of each season, to me. See, I guess I really disagree with a lot of hard core trekkers (PS - just me using the word "trekker" makes me a trekker, by the way) on a lot of points regarding Star Trek and what it should be, and what episodes are strongest.

See, I like the episodes where trek is a little scary. Like where they go to some fucked up planet and nazi cowboys start shooting bow and arrows at the crew. Only they're giant bows and arrows that can destroy the ship. That's weird and fucked up, and awesome. Most Trekkers like episodes where somebody will rattle off a bunch of made up science words, or maybe it will be an episode of Voyager that references Star Trek V. Then they will like it automatically. Which is dumb. So let me start at the very beginning. I know only like three people who read this might even know anything about TOS (the original series), but bear with me.

Here's my rundown for Star Trek: TOS Season 1.

Top Three Episodes:

A Taste of Armageddon - The Enterprise encounters an alien race that has been at war for centuries. The thing is, they just simulate everything so as not to scuff up their pretty cities. The bad news? The Enterprise is "destroyed" in battle, and Kirk and co. are ordered into the disintegration chambers. The good news? Kirk don't play that. Falling in line with the tradition of Captain Kirk's long standing hatred of computers, he destroys the computer that runs the planets war simulation. Too bad for aliens.

Space Seed - I hate to be so obvious. But there's one thing that propels this episode into the top three: KHAAAAAAAN! You all saw that coming. But Ricardo Montalban just chews up the scenery, here.

The City On The Edge Of Forever - Another obvious choice. Sorry. Everybody loves this episode. McCoy, hopped up on space speed, leaps through a time portal and accidently erases the federation from history. Luckily, Kirk and Spock chase him, and wind up in 1930s earth, a time period we'll see a lot of in star trek. Maybe there's something that makes that time and place a crucial focal point for the space-time continuum, or maybe Paramount just had a standing 1930s city set. You decide. Anyway, Kirk falls in love with a woman, and then must let her die to save the future. Kind of a downer, but terrific.


Bottom Three Episodes:

The Alternative Factor - I'll give you an alternative: another channel. Burn!

This Side of Paradise - Zany flowers shoot spores at the Enterprise, causing them to be happy. Kirk gets mad and kills all the spores and makes everybody swab the decks, double time.

Operation: Annihlate! - Little fried egg looking aliens attach themselves to people making them crazy and/or dead. Sucks.


Other highlights of the season:
- Show Starts
- Romulans, Klingons, Humans introduced as recurring characters
- Show breaks down barriers of race in having black and asian bridge officers
- Show does not break down barriers of sex in having pretty much all women on show want to jump Kirk's bones or be obsessed with beauty and age
- Episode "Naked Time" wins award for most disappointing show based on title's expectations
- In 4 episodes Kirk must destroy supercomputer to save the day. Well, must is a strong word. Maybe I should say "enjoys."


Anyway, stay tuned for future nerddom.

Sanity?

Ha! Just checking to see if you're paying attention. This post won't be very long, because my hand is wrapped up in a million bandage units of bandages from finger surgery the other day, and typing is tough. Well, obviously not so tough that I didn't need all this explanation, but you know.

Anyway, I'm done with grading and schoolwork, which is pretty sweet. I'm in a phase of relative boredom right now. Anybody can feel free to bring this up whenever I'm complaining about work again. As I'm sure I mentioned anybody could bring up my complaining about work whenever I start complaining about being bored. Anyway, I got a lot of work done on po-po this semester, which I guess is good, although I'm frequently pretty certain that no matter how good you are, it's really all about how much you network and sell yourself to people. I mean, there are lots of good poets in the program here, but there are also lots of people who are just obsessed with knowing a lot of people who can help them get ahead. Big deal, Richard Siken knows your fucking name. That doesn't make you a rock star, buck-o. Meanwhile, even if I pick up a poet from the airport and he tries to tell me how much he likes my poetry, I just feel awkward and change the subject.

But there's this whole literary conference dedicated to these career dudes and dudettes. I mean, I guess every literary conference, but Breadloaf in particular. Pretty much no grad student can afford this conference, so there's this "waitership" you can get to help with the cost. Basically you get to be a waiter and get insulted by prima donna famous poets and rich kid poets who can get daddy to pay for the conference. Fuck that, Jeeves! Just so I can hope to sneak my manuscript under Louise Gluck's Duck a l'orange? No thanks. But I guess that is why I fail.

Anyway, I was reading up on astronomy today, and I really hope at some point in my life I see
1 - a supernova
2 - a total solar eclipse
3 - well, I could only think of those two.

Also, the best fucking name we could come up with for our galaxy is the Milky Way? I think we can work on that. How about "Awesoma" or "Rocktothemaxia?" I don't know why these have to end with the letter "a," but they do.

Sanity?

Well, it's been quite some time, folks, since either Nick or I have posted a blog. I figure, since sometimes the slant of this blog is political (courtesy of Nick. I brought a bag of chips.) I'd blog about something political.

By now as everybody knows, the Democrats have won majority in the House, and it looks like they're going to take a majority of the Senate, assuming no crazy machine vote mishap happens with the Virginia receipts. I'd like to think that this move to the left by Americans symbolizes a return to sanity. By the way, my definition of insanity is right wingism. Did I ever tell you guys the story of how I'm a big socialist? Anyway, I'm just not so sure how much this vote reflects a shift in the beliefs American people. Most of the Democrats who won in conservative areas did so by moving to the center, and coming down strong anti-gay marriage and anti-immigration. True, those abortion bans were overturned, which is one good thing, but Democrats are basically turning into Republicans on several key issues here. I mean, come on people. In twenty years we're all going to be extremely ashamed of this homosexual oppresion thing we've got going right now. What's the big deal if gay people can marry? Who can that possibly hurt? (Hint: The answers are nothing and nobody.)

Additionally, the Republicans pretty much fucked everything up in every way possible for six straight years, so if it was largely a vote against garbage. If it was Republican party (more death and war) or Vampire party (just occasional virgins killed for sustenance) then I'm pretty sure the Vampire party would have won. So again, I just don't see this as a shift in the American people's beliefs.

Then again, maybe I don't have my finger on the pulse of what the real American people do believe. For five years now we've all been told that if we don't support the government in every way then we are not patriotic. People probably believed that claptrap until finally they just couldn't take it anymore. Enough people died or became homeless that finally people said "If not liking my government is unpatriotic, then fuck patriotism. This blows." Or some translation of that. I didn't check my sources.

Here's some things I hope the Democrats don't do:

1 - Pull out of Iraq all of the sudden with no kind of plan - That will just fuck everything up permanently. I mean, more than things are already fucked up. It sucks for the Democrats, because it's a situation that if they had a time machine they would never have gotten into, but you really can't just leave. The Bush administration ruined that country forever, and the Democrats just have to figure out the least harmful way to get our troops out.

2 - Impeach Bush - I know there's enough provable illegal stuff he's done to do it, but I feel like impeaching two presidents in a row whenever Congress is controlled by the other party sets a bad precedent that would cause all future presidents to be impotent. Or maybe it would just cause all future presidents to try their best not to flagrantly break the law.

I don't want anybody to think I'm just nervous about any of this. Every time I think about the election results I feel kind of happy and giddy, and not terrified and nervous that at any second troops with machine guns are going to smash into my home and demand that I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior while simultaneously training me to take part in a military action against Iraqi abortion clinics.

Yikes! I better write something funny next time. Unless you want to take care of that, Nick.

No internet

Sorry, guys. I have not had internet for a week. Consequently, I have gotten a lot of work done in the past week. I really need to figure out a way to stay away from this junks when I need to. Also, I don't have anything funny or interesting to say right now. Sorry.

Mmm...steak

To compliment your typo, Glenn, in Lake City at some restaurant sign listed their special prices for the day or week or whatever, and that week, the special was stake. Maybe you could just trade.

My apologies for not blogging lately. (Though, Glenn, MySpace wouldn't help; I tried to log in recently to see if I had any new messages, and it not only took several minutes to get it to log in, it eventually crashed my browser.) I have been extremely busy with my new position, which means I work a little longer and often bring some work home with me, and school as well, which gets progressively harder (which, I believe, is how it's supposed to work). Also, I have not much to report.

We just got back from seeing Al Franken: God Spoke. It was hilarious. I would recommend the movie to anyone who can see it, if it is playing near you.

There's been no politics on this blog for a while, so I will have to post something political later. I'm too tired right now. Two weeks until the mid-term; I hope everyone is planning on voting! Politics in Florida has definintely got interesting; with the Mark Foley case, that district is now leaning Democratic. Plus that sex scandal might spill over into the Governor's race, as it has always been rumored that Charlie Crist is gay (some say bisexual). That doesn't matter much in South Florida (it might actually get him some more votes down here), but in good old North Florida, it might cause some Republicans to stay home on election day. Now, I'm not at all for "outing" someone; I think someone's sexual orientation is their own business, and I could really care less. But when you belong to a party that uses homosexuality as a political weapon (not to mention a party that has no regard for anyone's personal business, such as details of Bill Clinton's private parts), maybe people deserve to be shown to be hypocrites. But anyways, I think this sex scandal might help the Democrats win in just over two weeks. I'll take a win any way that I can, but I will say that I would rather we win because we articulate good ideas and inspire people to vote for us, not just because we are simply the better alternative. I think these "To Catch a Predator" shows that are all the rage lately does not help this Foley case.

That's all for now; I must finish reading a few chapters for one of my classes so I can do my essay this weekend. I will try to think of something humorous that can stand up to Glenn's post; or else something serious to balance him out.

Holiday Cheer

Or should I say "Holiday Fear," motherfuckers? Because I'm talking about the best holiday. Halloween. Also, sorry for calling you guys motherfuckers. I didn't mean that. Well, it's more than halfway through October, and I don't think I've been really having enough of that Halloween spirit that I always swear I'm going to have and then never really do. See, I love Halloween more than any other holiday. Ghosts and skeletons and rotting corpses and junk are really tubular to me, and have been since I was a wee lad and my father gace me a model of a foot skeleton. Then I got scared of it and had to bury it in the closet. But still. Halloween is the best, but I can't remember the last great Halloween I had.

Last year, for instance, I dressed up in a pretty sweet zombie costume and got wasted at a party we stayed at for 30 minutes that was packed with loser undergrads who drank all my beer the moment I set it down. Then I got hit on by an old dude at House of Pies, who put his arm around me and sultrily said "I hope you win the contest." That was weird/cool.

The year before that I was hung over at Publix after drinking too much at Bryan's birthday. Then I watched Dawn of the Dead. Which I just watched tonight for the 500th time, and it's a really solid movie. Man, fuck running zombies. America doesn't need that shit in these trying times. Slow zombies are for patriots.

Then the five or six years before that I pretty much did nothing for Halloween. Lame. For instance, when I taught in Kissimmee I put on a costume and hoped some kids would come trick-or-treating, which they didn't, and I ate three big bags of candy.

But I get so stoked. There's scary movies on tv. Ghosts are in the air. Pumpkin is the best seasonal flavor there is. And it's always a bust. Well, fuck that shit. My Halloween this year is going to be the best. I'm going to

A - See a ghost for real this time. I don't care if it's seance, cemetery, or bloody Mary, I'm seeing one.

B - Have a killer costume (maybe zombie, but with a twist. Ahh, who am I kidding. It's going to be a zombie) and go to an excellent party that I don't get all my beer stolen from immediately.

C - Have a big horror movie fest next weekend at my place and you guys are invited. Well, I don't think any Houston people read my blog over here anymore, but all you scattered other people are definitely invited.

D - Kill a Wolfman, a Mummy, a Frankenstein, and a Dracula. Silver bullet, magic spell, hubris, and steak through the heart. I know the score.

I ain't writing scary poems this year, though. That project turned out to be total bunk. Though I guess I got one of the "scary" poems published, so that was cool. But I wanted people to be puking their eyes out they were so scared with my poems, not publishing them. Ah well. I'll take what I can get.

By the way, BOO MOTHERFUCKERS! I'M AN INTERNET GHOST LIKE THE MOVIE PULSE! NOW YOU ARE HAUNTED!